Which Have More Legs -- Mules, or Jackasses?

Here is another Amazing True Story drafted for publication in another language...

The great American Civil War began when the states in the southern part of the United States quit the United States and formed their own country, called the “Confederacy,” because they were afraid that the states in the north would take away their slaves, and then they began to fire their cannons at United States forts in the southern states. During the Civil War, in 1862, a Confederate army invaded the United States territory of New Mexico. To stop them, a private contractor, Graydon’s Independent Spy Company, went to the head of the U.S. forces in New Mexico and promised to “mow down” the Southern soldiers “like wheat!” Graydon’s company was hired to do what it could.

Graydon asked for, and received, a few dozen explosive cannon shells. He very carefully drilled holes in them, and inserted fuses into the gunpowder in the holes. Then he saddled each of two mules with two wooden boxes filled with artillery shells.

Late at night, while the Southern soldiers slept in their tents, Graydon and his men very quietly led the two heavily-armed mules through the darkness to the edge of the Southern soldiers’ camp, and then they set fire to the fuses.

Then they smacked the mules very hard on their rear ends, to make them run into the Southern soldiers’ camp, and Graydon and his men immediately turned and ran back toward their own headquarters as fast as they could.

Looking back as they ran, Graydon and his men were shocked to see that their mules, with the boxes of explosive cannon shells, and with the fuses burning shorter and shorter, were right behind them, running with them back to their own headquarters!

The men scattered in different directions and ran faster than they thought possible to nearby rocks and trees, just in time to protect themselves from the exploding mules, BOOM! BOOM!

Graydon’s report to his federal employers explained that there were only two casualties -- the mules!

Amazing Weapons of War

Elsewhere in this blog site, I note that nuclear weapons really are amazing inventions -- unfortunately, some of the most clever devices ever designed.

Just as war and preparation for war has generated a great deal of technological advancement in our society, so, unfortunately, has pornography marketing generated a great deal of advancement in web design.

One of my favorite examples of "innovation" is the two cannon balls joined by a chain, intended to be fired simultaneously from two cannons during the American Civil War. Inventors envisioned great swaths of charging enemy soldiers being mowed down with each shot.

All trials of the "remarkable weapon" failed. Invariably, one cannon ball made it out of the barrels before the other. The results were predictable. The soldiers to the left or right of the cannon paid a heavy price for their enthusiasm.

Rose-Colored Glasses

"During the Civil War, glasses with colored lenses were used to treat disorders and illnesses. Yellow-trimmed glasses were used to treat syphilis, blue for insanity, and pink for depression. Thus we get the term, To see the world through rose-colored glasses."

--http://www.coe2ndwis.com/civiliancorner/strangefacts.html

Colliding Bullets

I remember being "wowed" as a kid when I saw a picture in National Geographic of what was described as two bullets which had collided and by that means welded themselves together over a Civil War battlefield.

I couldn't find the National Geographic photo again, but I found this photo of one for sale...

I remember being a little suspicious when I read that some stores had dozens of such collided bullets for sale.

And I became very, very suspicious when I discovered that some stores had groups of 3 bullets welded together via a collision. 3 bullets! Think of the odds!

But then, while I was watching Turner Pictures' movie Gettysburg, I saw the Kevin Conway character tell the Jeff Daniels character that some soldiers get so excited that they will load their rifles 5 or 6 times without firing a shot.

That, it occurred to me, might be the answer for many of the souvenirs, especially the triple "collision" bullets. A soldier rams in a bullet. It misfires, but he doesn't realize it. He rams in a second bullet on top of the first, and fires. Bullet Number 1 slams into Bullet Number 2, in the barrel. They go out together, they hit a solid object, spread, and weld. Occasionally, such doubles were met head-on by an enemy bullet, forming what looks like an impossible triple collision, but what is really only a double.