Old Joke

A jet is carrying the pilot, the world's smartest man, a Catholic priest and a Boy Scout, and 3 parachutes.

While the world's smartest man is telling everyone how smart he is, the 4 jet engines suddenly flame out, and the jet begins a sickening glide to the mountains below.

The pilot runs out of the cockpit, screaming, grabs a parachute, throws open the hatch, and jumps.

The worlod's smartest man says, "Listen, you two are just a worn-out old priest who says prayers and does other useless things, and a goodie two shoes kid. I, on the other hand, am the world's smartest man, and the world needs me, so..."

And before they can say anything, he pulls on a backpack, and jumps.

The priest says to the Boy Scout, "Well, son, it's only you and me, now, and there's only one parachute. What he said is half right -- I am a worn-out old priest, and you have your entire life before you. So, the parachute is for you!"

"That's okay, Father," says the Boy Scout. "That won't be necessary. The world's smartest man just jumped out of the plane with my camping backpack."

Joke Making the Rounds: The Difference Between Men and Women

The wife doesn't come home one night. In the morning when she arrives home the husband says, "Where were you?" The wife says, "I slept over at my girlfriend's house." The husband gets out the phone book and calls her ten best girlfriends and they all answer with the same words: "I don't know anything about this."

The husband doesn't come home one night. In the morning when he arrives home the wife says, "Where were you?" The husband says, "I slept over at a male friend's house." The wife gets out the phone book and calls his ten best man friends and they all answer with the same words: "He was here last night." Two of them add, "And he's still here."

Question

Why does lemonaid contain artificial flavours, but detergent contain real lemons?

Another Lawyer Joke

A lawyer parks his BMW in front of a client's house, and is opening the driver-side door to get out when -- FOOM! -- another car passing too close on the left rips off the door and sends it flying.

A bystander reports the tragic accident to police. Two patrol cars pull up behind the lawyer's BMW and get out.

The policemen see the lawyer standing in front of his car, crying. "Oh, no!" the lawyer wails, "Oh, no! My BMW! It's ruined!"

The first policeman observes, "I can't believe how materialistic this lawyer is! Unbelievable! All he cares about is his precious BMW! He probably doesn't even realize that his left arm is gone!"

The second policeman says, "Oh, sheesh! Don't you think that you're being a little prejuiced against lawyers?"

The lawyer, overhearing the conversation, looks down at where his left arm used to be and says, "Oh, no! My Rolex...!"