Years ago, a man who was sexually victimized by his uncle when he was a little kid "did it" to his own 4 year old daughter. When he was caught, he did not defend himself, and he asked to be sent to Jersey's state prison for sex offenders, Avenel.
Years later, he was paroled from Avenel. He has done well on parole.
Recently, he found out that his daughter will be turning 18 soon, and wants to look him up, and talk. He asked me what he should do and say.
I suggested that he convene a large meeting of family members and close friends who are adults and who know about his crime. I suggested that he sit everyone down at such a meeting, including his daughter, go up to a podium so that he is the center of attention, and apologize and tell her that it is her right to hate him until he dies, and tell her that he will support her efforts to hate him if that is what she wants.
He said that he would do this.
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OK Paul Harvey, and now, tell us 'the rest of the story'. Were you a bit more forthcoming about what you were attempting to have him achieve? Is this just at face value? OR is there some hidden attempt at healing, of some sort, here. I don't think that a relationship starting off this way can ever heal to the point that either party could ever think things could go back to 'normal'. Why is daughter seeking him out? To do eactly as you say. to tell him she HATES him. Is it your goal to just have the two of them accept the sickness passed down to this father, and he passed the poison down to daugheter, now she wants to know why . . . You've aired this abridged version of the story for some reason. Just a passing remeberance? Throwing a hook into the water here at the blog to see what you catch? Spill it
ReplyDeleteRe being forthcoming, I explained to him that such a public affirmation of his personal fault and of her innocence to her face might do something to repair damage done by him.
ReplyDeleteHe does not know why his daughter is seeking him out.
I'm kind of proud of this guy. His own uncle put the "machine" into his head, by "doing it" to him when HE was young. Despite this mitigating circumstance, he ASKED to be sent to the worst prison in New Jersey for his crime. Since his parole 10 years ago, he has done well. After his release, he confessed his sin to a priest in confession. As a package, not bad!